








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 378 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 138 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2146 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,072 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1533 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1159 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1117 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1263 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $220,999 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 214 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Gen. Von | 33% | 15 |
| #15 | Jennii | 33% | 57 |
| #16 | Max | 30% | 30 |
| #17 | Reverb | 24% | 34 |
| #18 | Average Warlock Enjoyer | 6% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shit Eater | 15 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Fender on a bender | 14 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | 1337enKEWKEN | 14 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | big dumb | 13 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | Schvenn | 12 | 0.0104 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1337enKEWKEN | 261 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | Schvenn | 249 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #3 | pain train dwein | 233 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #4 | big dumb | 157 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | Recal | 142 | 0.10 | 2 min |





