








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 229 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,610 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2098 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2665 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1641 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2206 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $935,201 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 704 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Friendle | 58% | 52 |
| #2 | john dick | 57% | 35 |
| #3 | ¥ jaCe | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | thebiggestantt | 54% | 93 |
| #5 | Tboc13 | 53% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | john dick | 57% | 35 |
| #3 | ¥ jaCe | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | thebiggestantt | 54% | 93 |
| #5 | Tboc13 | 53% | 19 |
| #6 | rovuh | 48% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rovuh | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | thebiggestantt | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | ¥ jaCe | 3 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | Friendle | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Tboc13 | 2 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thebiggestantt | 268 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Friendle | 244 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #3 | rovuh | 142 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | john dick | 126 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Tboc13 | 63 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Friendle | +1.20 | 75 | 72 |
| #2 | john dick | +1.10 | 78 | 69 |
| #3 | ¥ jaCe | +0.94 | 74 | 66 |
| #4 | thebiggestantt | +0.58 | 84 | 65 |
| #5 | Kyouki | +0.55 | 82 | 54 |





