








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1725 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1277 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1379 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 962 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1694 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $260,282 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 148 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JCasper | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | BinLaden | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | just plug it into google | 65% | 17 |
| #4 | Friendle | 64% | 58 |
| #5 | [Cloud 9] Bdog246 | 64% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | rA Heart | 53% | 15 |
| #11 | User | 52% | 21 |
| #12 | only | 50% | 16 |
| #13 | thebiggestantt | 46% | 26 |
| #14 | ∞ | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kage | 12 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | rovuh | 6 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | thebiggestantt | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Friendle | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | User | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kage | 228 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | Friendle | 215 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | rovuh | 83 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | thebiggestantt | 64 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | just plug it into google | 57 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BinLaden | +3.13 | 84 | 76 |
| #2 | Friendle | +1.64 | 68 | 63 |
| #3 | JCasper | +1.61 | 86 | 69 |
| #4 | ∞ | +1.25 | 83 | 67 |
| #5 | ¥ jaCe | +1.15 | 82 | 60 |





