








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 192 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,111 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 982 | 47% |
| Smokes | 515 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 271 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 343 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $246,603 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 35 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mordecai | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | blinkerton city | 57% | 60 |
| #3 | Beat up Adidas | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Akuza | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Balls 4 | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Akuza | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Balls 4 | 47% | 15 |
| #6 | Good. | 44% | 18 |
| #7 | Waffles | 40% | 30 |
| #8 | Chocolate Sugarlove | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Balls 4 | 5 | 0.0167 |
| #2 | blinkerton city | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Akuza | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | Beat up Adidas | 2 | 0.0091 |
| #5 | Waffles | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waffles | 122 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #2 | blinkerton city | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Balls 4 | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Beat up Adidas | 20 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Good. | 19 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swag messiah | +3.76 | 83 | 61 |
| #2 | blinkerton city | -0.27 | 68 | 40 |
| #3 | mordecai | -0.52 | 69 | 46 |
| #4 | Waffles | -0.76 | 61 | 56 |
| #5 | Beat up Adidas | -0.76 | 63 | 43 |





