








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2467 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,094 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 896 | 29% |
| Smokes | 628 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 818 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 752 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $412,869 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Schmetterling | 50% | 44 |
| #6 | Prophesier Crazy | 47% | 214 |
| #7 | *YunG* sol!d | 46% | 24 |
| #8 | Haineko 灰猫 | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Thiccy | 32% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophesier Crazy | 18 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Schmetterling | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Scatimoosh | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Taboozle | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | DaZeD | 3 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophesier Crazy | 493 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #2 | Scatimoosh | 233 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | *YunG* sol!d | 84 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Schmetterling | 82 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Taboozle | 59 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DaZeD | +4.58 | 79 | 64 |
| #2 | Scatimoosh | +3.46 | 71 | 58 |
| #3 | Taboozle | +1.66 | 85 | 58 |
| #4 | Schmetterling | +1.00 | 86 | 64 |
| #5 | Waylander | +0.47 | 68 | 41 |





