








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1529 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1942 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1896 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1078 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1513 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $221,021 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 210 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fisher-1- | 83% | 12 |
| #2 | KiCk!nG | 80% | 35 |
| #3 | goowne | 79% | 14 |
| #4 | cripown | 78% | 9 |
| #5 | mike481 | 78% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | JODII | 66% | 94 |
| #12 | Noodle | 65% | 20 |
| #13 | Karnage | 62% | 34 |
| #14 | Tr15taN ☁ | 60% | 15 |
| #15 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 59% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mike481 | 16 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | yonji | 12 | 0.0125 |
| #3 | JODII | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | KiCk!nG | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 3 | 0.0065 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mike481 | 329 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | JODII | 239 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | KiCk!nG | 204 | 0.29 | 6 min |
| #4 | star1x | 181 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 142 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noodle | +3.68 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | KiCk!nG | +3.46 | 82 | 82 |
| #3 | Retarded Sloth Certified | +3.38 | 89 | 62 |
| #4 | fisher-1- | +3.28 | 77 | 68 |
| #5 | cripown | +3.13 | 92 | 56 |





