










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 242 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 165 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2560 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,664 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 621 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1629 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2374 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2040 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,636,247 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Eric Foreman | 72% | 43 |
| #2 | Vyn | 55% | 176 |
| #3 | Dr. James Wilson | 53% | 309 |
| #4 | Kufuru | 49% | 138 |
| #5 | Bocchi the Glock | 48% | 155 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Vyn | 55% | 176 |
| #3 | Dr. James Wilson | 53% | 309 |
| #4 | Kufuru | 49% | 138 |
| #5 | Bocchi the Glock | 48% | 155 |
| #6 | Yuki | 48% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. James Wilson | 18 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Bocchi the Glock | 17 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Kufuru | 14 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Vyn | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Yuki | 4 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. James Wilson | 725 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #2 | Vyn | 498 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #3 | Kufuru | 434 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #4 | Bocchi the Glock | 201 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Yuki | 35 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Eric Foreman | +6.95 | 62 | 41 |
| #2 | Dr. James Wilson | +1.49 | 33 | 59 |
| #3 | Vyn | +0.60 | 36 | 61 |
| #4 | Yuki | +0.19 | 30 | 50 |
| #5 | Kufuru | +0.01 | 22 | 54 |





