








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,480 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 407 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1402 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 769 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 902 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $480,610 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Kufuru | 53% | 64 |
| #7 | ypph | 53% | 17 |
| #8 | Schnufli | 48% | 48 |
| #9 | Spejson | 45% | 11 |
| #10 | Bocchi the Glock | 36% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kufuru | 10 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Schnufli | 6 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Bocchi the Glock | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | ypph | 3 | 0.0092 |
| #5 | Vyn | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. James Wilson | 245 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | Kufuru | 186 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Vyn | 96 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | ypph | 94 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #5 | Bocchi the Glock | 71 | 0.08 | 1 min |





