








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 401 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 142 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,426 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 656 | 19% |
| Smokes | 916 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1085 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 769 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $812,596 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 225 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | InVentus | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | Fadeaway CUCK( cucker) | 50% | 34 |
| #3 | R2K21 | 50% | 174 |
| #4 | kehamas1n | 50% | 121 |
| #5 | Jolly Rogers | 49% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kehamas1n | 15 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Jolly Rogers | 11 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | R2K21 | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | volk | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | FrankReynolds | 2 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R2K21 | 355 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | kehamas1n | 260 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | volk | 155 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jolly Rogers | 153 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Fadeaway CUCK( cucker) | 27 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R2K21 | +4.74 | 50 | 73 |
| #2 | FrankReynolds | +0.41 | 35 | 55 |
| #3 | LordToothy | +0.23 | 56 | 42 |
| #4 | Jolly Rogers | -0.47 | 31 | 54 |
| #5 | Fadeaway CUCK( cucker) | -0.80 | 53 | 36 |





