








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 677 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 121 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,484 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1107 | 32% |
| Smokes | 998 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 803 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 576 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $632,779 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | loafylow | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Douwidius2 | 47% | 49 |
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 44% | 84 |
| #4 | Björn | 42% | 71 |
| #5 | KASSIS | 37% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 44% | 84 |
| #4 | Björn | 42% | 71 |
| #5 | KASSIS | 37% | 41 |
| #6 | Trash | 32% | 41 |
| #7 | Douwidius1 | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash | 33 | 0.0426 |
| #2 | The Kidney Snatcher | 18 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | Björn | 12 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | KASSIS | 11 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | loafylow | 8 | 0.0183 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Kidney Snatcher | 141 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | loafylow | 108 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #3 | KASSIS | 96 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Douwidius2 | 68 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Trash | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KASSIS | +3.94 | 76 | 48 |
| #2 | loafylow | +3.35 | 75 | 65 |
| #3 | Douwidius1 | +0.74 | 67 | 45 |
| #4 | Douwidius2 | +0.45 | 52 | 58 |
| #5 | Trash | +0.37 | 76 | 28 |





