








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 883 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 144 matches | ||
| Premier | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




261 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1896 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,682 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2135 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1671 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2760 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2116 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $828,091 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Dirty African Wata | 40% | 45 |
| #7 | OSAMA BIN GUAPO | 36% | 108 |
| #8 | shart | 35% | 104 |
| #9 | Slothy Jim | 34% | 32 |
| #10 | [UNA] chiikawa lover | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 | 146 | 0.0392 |
| #2 | goonjutsu | 81 | 0.0345 |
| #3 | shart | 56 | 0.0286 |
| #4 | OSAMA BIN GUAPO | 55 | 0.0277 |
| #5 | hachiware lover | 26 | 0.0194 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 | 322 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | Slothy Jim | 138 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #3 | OSAMA BIN GUAPO | 120 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | shart | 119 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | hachiware lover | 93 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | goonjutsu | +3.95 | 86 | 23 |
| #2 | gorb | +2.90 | 81 | 19 |
| #3 | shart | +2.46 | 77 | 31 |
| #4 | hachiware lover | +2.27 | 78 | 27 |
| #5 | 808 | +1.55 | 82 | 28 |





