








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
335 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,934 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 736 | 38% |
| Smokes | 636 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 103 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 459 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $196,584 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Dr. Pepper | 38% | 13 |
| #11 | Branch | 37% | 27 |
| #12 | ReturnoftheMac | 36% | 11 |
| #13 | Hugh Jabenis 2 | 30% | 10 |
| #14 | sUwUn | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT Ringo | 3 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | cool gamer | 3 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Branch | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | ✪ Zeta | 1 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Dr. Pepper | 1 | 0.0038 |





