








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 489 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 135 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1872 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3796 | 40% |
| Smokes | 2636 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1285 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1677 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $211,371 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 127 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | O'Chan | 79% | 19 |
| #2 | Luke | 76% | 21 |
| #3 | kamf | 75% | 12 |
| #4 | sCoutMan | 69% | 16 |
| #5 | b0nkers | 66% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | danzy | 55% | 11 |
| #15 | LewieUK | 50% | 12 |
| #16 | benjam1n | 45% | 20 |
| #17 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 44% | 27 |
| #18 | BUMLE | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yer maws a bam | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Ulick | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | b0nkers | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Luke | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Tomtastic | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomtastic | 362 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | yer maws a bam | 246 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | Ulick | 223 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | b0nkers | 171 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #5 | Fozzii | 85 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mexzy | +2.20 | 66 | 61 |
| #2 | yer maws a bam | +1.92 | 82 | 75 |
| #3 | Tomtastic | +1.43 | 71 | 78 |
| #4 | BUMLE | +1.39 | 77 | 48 |
| #5 | FeiiiiinT | +0.82 | 84 | 67 |





