








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 420 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Esplay | 9 matches | 1,705 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2038 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,381 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2136 | 40% |
| Smokes | 1241 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1184 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 820 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $965,509 of utility $249 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 718 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Schvenn | 50% | 34 |
| #7 | MEKII | 49% | 55 |
| #8 | Ajabaja | 48% | 31 |
| #9 | Recal | 47% | 38 |
| #10 | Raggy | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | big dumb | 23 | 0.0121 |
| #2 | MEKII | 15 | 0.0129 |
| #3 | Shit Eater | 11 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | 1337enKEWKEN | 7 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | Ajabaja | 7 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | big dumb | 214 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Schvenn | 168 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| #3 | 1337enKEWKEN | 156 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | MEKII | 152 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | Recal | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MEKII | +2.97 | 75 | 57 |
| #2 | Shit Eater | +2.35 | 82 | 51 |
| #3 | big dumb | +2.03 | 81 | 74 |
| #4 | Schvenn | +0.51 | 69 | 62 |
| #5 | snork | +0.44 | 76 | 55 |





