








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1287 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 565 | 35% |
| Smokes | 367 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 113 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 584 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $391,680 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeGz | 61% | 28 |
| #2 | Suppe | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Bergem | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | Depressed Onion | 49% | 37 |
| #5 | CosMO | 46% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | breilele ^^, | 43% | 14 |
| #12 | litenhest | 42% | 26 |
| #13 | fillepus | 39% | 28 |
| #14 | Lommis | 39% | 18 |
| #15 | Quacky @ Penicillium roqueforti | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CosMO | 503 | 0.25 | 14 min |
| #2 | fillepus | 127 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | PeGz | 115 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Depressed Onion | 98 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | litenhest | 92 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baowz. . . . | +2.33 | 88 | 41 |
| #2 | Depressed Onion | +1.26 | 54 | 63 |
| #3 | Bergem | +0.47 | 56 | 63 |
| #4 | CosMO | +0.35 | 57 | 73 |
| #5 | PeGz | +0.33 | 33 | 68 |





