








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1384 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 226 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4226 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,849 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2921 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3892 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3269 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2767 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,015,567 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 537 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | AJ | 48% | 73 |
| #13 | Deagg | 43% | 63 |
| #14 | MuscleRelaxerDan | 42% | 109 |
| #15 | CumOnTits | 41% | 90 |
| #16 | Cosmic God Lord Flump | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mouse6162142 | 21 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Gorilla_Slavery.com | 14 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | ENTRY FRAGGER | 13 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | LemonMoose | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Deagg | 11 | 0.0081 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mouse6162142 | 537 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #2 | Gorilla_Slavery.com | 513 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #3 | Deagg | 216 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | ENTRY FRAGGER | 205 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | CumOnTits | 191 | 0.10 | 5 min |





