








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 141 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 226 matches | ||
| Premier | 140 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Esplay | 3 matches | 1,719 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3666 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,794 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3694 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5137 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2156 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2807 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,171,911 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dougie Jones | 61% | 33 |
| #2 | Bread? | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | kTz. | 57% | 37 |
| #4 | @lfakrull | 56% | 119 |
| #5 | COCAINA.MP3 | 56% | 188 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Henkka | 54% | 239 |
| #7 | axle | 54% | 181 |
| #8 | maxB | 53% | 162 |
| #9 | HONK1 | 51% | 91 |
| #10 | OPP STOPPA | 45% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OPP STOPPA | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | axle | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Henkka | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | COCAINA.MP3 | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | @lfakrull | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Henkka | 630 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #2 | axle | 591 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | COCAINA.MP3 | 490 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #4 | HONK1 | 431 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #5 | @lfakrull | 360 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COCAINA.MP3 | +1.80 | 75 | 72 |
| #2 | axle | +1.71 | 79 | 69 |
| #3 | Dougie Jones | +1.13 | 71 | 66 |
| #4 | HONK1 | +0.66 | 71 | 82 |
| #5 | @lfakrull | -0.14 | 45 | 72 |





