








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 476 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 409 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3626 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,805 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1048 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1984 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2148 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2625 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,565,100 of utility $239 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 925 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Hitch | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | M1ckW1ck | 51% | 53 |
| #3 | LowCiel | 50% | 50 |
| #4 | Gearslayer360 | 43% | 53 |
| #5 | Anthony | 43% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1ckW1ck | 453 | 0.40 | 10 min |
| #2 | πΎπππ’ππππ‘π½πͺπ§π£ | 384 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | Gearslayer360 | 246 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #4 | Anthony | 145 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | erock | 128 | 0.11 | 3 min |





