










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 455 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 358 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3953 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,738 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7442 | 36% |
| Smokes | 5547 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4294 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3455 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $647,646 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2416 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green | 63% | 59 |
| #2 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 60% | 95 |
| #3 | SCORPY | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | Backsyde | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | bven | 50% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 60% | 95 |
| #3 | SCORPY | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | Backsyde | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | bven | 50% | 30 |
| #6 | Kung Fu Panda | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green | 10 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | Kung Fu Panda | 9 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 286 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Green | 214 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Kung Fu Panda | 154 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Backsyde | 86 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | SCORPY | 85 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bven | +1.75 | 83 | 48 |
| #2 | CMON3Y | +1.67 | 81 | 66 |
| #3 | A Decently Paid Janitor | +1.34 | 77 | 60 |
| #4 | Green | +0.93 | 56 | 54 |
| #5 | SCORPY | +0.06 | 71 | 60 |





