








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 42 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2857 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,143 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 955 | 23% |
| Smokes | 973 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 961 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1254 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $707,292 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 129 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 72% | 29 |
| #2 | Scottie Barnes | 71% | 14 |
| #3 | Green | 61% | 79 |
| #4 | henry | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | Adrenoleukodystrophy | 53% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Adrenoleukodystrophy | 53% | 36 |
| #6 | Alex | 52% | 42 |
| #7 | CMON3Y | 50% | 30 |
| #8 | biel | 42% | 31 |
| #9 | Kung Fu Panda | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green | 14 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | Alex | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | CMON3Y | 5 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Kung Fu Panda | 4 | 0.0141 |
| #5 | henry | 3 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green | 260 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | biel | 179 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #3 | CMON3Y | 177 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #4 | Alex | 122 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 80 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biel | +1.86 | 75 | 70 |
| #2 | A Decently Paid Janitor | +1.83 | 78 | 49 |
| #3 | Adrenoleukodystrophy | +1.64 | 72 | 41 |
| #4 | bven | +1.03 | 82 | 47 |
| #5 | Green | +0.84 | 59 | 53 |





