








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 313 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,638 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2714 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3498 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2255 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2171 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,197,548 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 449 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jester | 64% | 116 |
| #2 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | CMON3Y | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | rozay | 44% | 18 |
| #5 | dabearSHARK | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jester | 64% | 116 |
| #2 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | CMON3Y | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | rozay | 44% | 18 |
| #5 | dabearSHARK | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jester | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | dabearSHARK | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | CMON3Y | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | rozay | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jester | 403 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #2 | CMON3Y | 207 | 0.33 | 5 min |
| #3 | dabearSHARK | 139 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 75 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | rozay | 44 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Decently Paid Janitor | +2.78 | 80 | 64 |
| #2 | jester | +2.44 | 75 | 59 |
| #3 | rozay | +1.35 | 86 | 53 |
| #4 | Backsyde | +1.13 | 75 | 59 |
| #5 | CMON3Y | +0.52 | 76 | 67 |





