








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 131 matches | ||
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1241 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,878 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 373 | 20% |
| Smokes | 651 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 527 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 327 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $90,708 of utility $22 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 634 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xsaltify | 42% | 50 |
| #2 | Whiplash64 | 42% | 79 |
| #3 | bich ah ni | 41% | 74 |
| #4 | Wires | 30% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xsaltify | 42% | 50 |
| #2 | Whiplash64 | 42% | 79 |
| #3 | bich ah ni | 41% | 74 |
| #4 | Wires | 30% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wires | 37 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | bich ah ni | 31 | 0.0217 |
| #3 | Whiplash64 | 12 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | xsaltify | 12 | 0.0116 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bich ah ni | 281 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | Wires | 94 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Whiplash64 | 68 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | xsaltify | 15 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bich ah ni | +4.32 | 58 | 35 |
| #2 | xsaltify | -0.28 | 37 | 18 |
| #3 | Whiplash64 | -1.51 | 23 | 17 |
| #4 | Wires | -2.89 | 26 | 19 |
| #5 | EXPERT DEALER | -3.40 | 9 | 21 |





