








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2976 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,042 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 622 | 20% |
| Smokes | 479 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1295 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 646 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $878,257 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PixelatedMemory | 49% | 102 |
| #2 | ✯Schwifty✯ | 47% | 57 |
| #3 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Uncle Twisty Nips | 41% | 58 |
| #5 | Craig | 31% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PixelatedMemory | 49% | 102 |
| #2 | ✯Schwifty✯ | 47% | 57 |
| #3 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Uncle Twisty Nips | 41% | 58 |
| #5 | Craig | 31% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PixelatedMemory | 12 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Craig | 9 | 0.0158 |
| #3 | ✯Schwifty✯ | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Uncle Twisty Nips | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PixelatedMemory | 310 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Uncle Twisty Nips | 106 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | ✯Schwifty✯ | 47 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Craig | 46 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 39 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Griff | +3.46 | 80 | 42 |
| #2 | ✯Schwifty✯ | +0.79 | 73 | 33 |
| #3 | PixelatedMemory | +0.25 | 42 | 54 |
| #4 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | -3.94 | 24 | 49 |
| #5 | Uncle Twisty Nips | -4.30 | 58 | 37 |





