








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 346 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 298 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3985 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2862 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3492 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3102 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1751 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,255,018 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 953 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rawr | 53% | 76 |
| #2 | poogs | 51% | 274 |
| #3 | Dobby | 49% | 57 |
| #4 | Burns | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | Eisbär | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rawr | 53% | 76 |
| #2 | poogs | 51% | 274 |
| #3 | Dobby | 49% | 57 |
| #4 | Burns | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | Eisbär | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poogs | 21 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Rawr | 10 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Eisbär | 7 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | Burns | 4 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | Dobby | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rawr | 432 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #2 | poogs | 429 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | Eisbär | 205 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #4 | Burns | 122 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dobby | 49 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eisbär | +4.16 | 83 | 64 |
| #2 | Burns | +1.60 | 60 | 62 |
| #3 | Rawr | +1.50 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | finger | +0.44 | 70 | 59 |
| #5 | Dobby | -1.11 | 51 | 43 |





