








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
682 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,767 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 569 | 32% |
| Smokes | 562 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 263 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 373 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $137,639 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kirbei | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Layzer | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | sea oh 2 | 53% | 38 |
| #4 | Jabba the | 52% | 21 |
| #5 | magik | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | jeff slayer | 47% | 15 |
| #8 | Sachiho | 44% | 18 |
| #9 | Kudo? | 43% | 7 |
| #10 | door | 43% | 14 |
| #11 | ハル | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sea oh 2 | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Jabba the | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | SEN tteokbokki | 2 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | Layzer | 2 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | ハル | 2 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sachiho | 143 | 0.36 | 3 min |
| #2 | sea oh 2 | 132 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | door | 75 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #4 | magik | 71 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | jeff slayer | 68 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeff slayer | +6.62 | 92 | 57 |
| #2 | kirbei | +3.07 | 69 | 60 |
| #3 | sea oh 2 | +3.07 | 63 | 69 |
| #4 | Layzer | +1.19 | 66 | 54 |
| #5 | magik | +0.24 | 71 | 57 |





