








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 212 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2532 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,042 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1303 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1521 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2100 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1118 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $632,014 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | magik | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Feebas | 67% | 30 |
| #3 | ハル | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | Sachiho | 54% | 70 |
| #5 | gun | 52% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | gun | 52% | 21 |
| #6 | sea oh 2 | 49% | 72 |
| #7 | jeff slayer | 44% | 27 |
| #8 | door | 39% | 41 |
| #9 | SEN tteokbokki | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ハル | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | sea oh 2 | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Sachiho | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Feebas | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | jeff slayer | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sachiho | 395 | 0.27 | 9 min |
| #2 | sea oh 2 | 251 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | door | 205 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #4 | jeff slayer | 110 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | gun | 76 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeff slayer | +5.31 | 91 | 65 |
| #2 | Feebas | +3.85 | 69 | 64 |
| #3 | sea oh 2 | +2.87 | 64 | 68 |
| #4 | SEN tteokbokki | +2.04 | 85 | 38 |
| #5 | gun | +1.30 | 76 | 44 |





