








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1070 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 187 | 5% |
| Smokes | 577 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1259 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1462 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $839,176 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ezekiah | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | JannickUdenC | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Hot Neighborhood Femboy | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | PRIVATE | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | squidballs | 45% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Ed | 37% | 27 |
| #12 | Wallah Jeg Har En FEd Kebab | 35% | 23 |
| #13 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | 35% | 23 |
| #14 | Boeing 767-200 | 32% | 25 |
| #15 | Xsampel | 30% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kowalski | 17 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | ✪ TOXIC | 12 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | squidballs | 10 | 0.0135 |
| #4 | JannickUdenC | 8 | 0.0187 |
| #5 | Ed | 7 | 0.0135 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ TOXIC | 110 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Don Juan Deag | 109 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | Static | 107 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | squidballs | 95 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ed | 95 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ TOXIC | +6.17 | 61 | 34 |
| #2 | Static | +5.40 | 78 | 60 |
| #3 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | +3.19 | 73 | 53 |
| #4 | JannickUdenC | +3.02 | 66 | 58 |
| #5 | Ezekiah | +2.57 | 61 | 50 |





