








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 116 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Faceit | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2639 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,867 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2364 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2034 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2009 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2460 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $952,073 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holycow | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | deckle- | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | NextGenMason | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | Simpleboo.com | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | JachPot | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | JachPot | 48% | 23 |
| #6 | Musty Pubes | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | UKCats | 42% | 53 |
| #8 | SAV | TroyjanHorse | 38% | 24 |
| #9 | tush | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NextGenMason | 3 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | UKCats | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | deckle- | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | holycow | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | SAV | TroyjanHorse | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JachPot | 117 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #2 | UKCats | 108 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | holycow | 97 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #4 | deckle- | 93 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | SAV | TroyjanHorse | 90 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deckle- | +3.06 | 75 | 62 |
| #2 | holycow | +1.78 | 53 | 69 |
| #3 | NextGenMason | +1.71 | 68 | 49 |
| #4 | SAV | TroyjanHorse | +0.40 | 77 | 64 |
| #5 | Ledbone | +0.23 | 64 | 53 |





