








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 219 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3231 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,859 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7906 | 40% |
| Smokes | 4751 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3596 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3606 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $351,497 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Y 3 3 T | 55% | 69 |
| #2 | Smooth | 55% | 82 |
| #3 | gregs | 54% | 110 |
| #4 | ✪ F3DerAL | 50% | 50 |
| #5 | oKoL | 48% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Udder Spinner | 48% | 195 |
| #7 | Kang | 45% | 110 |
| #8 | Danny | 44% | 27 |
| #9 | gwill | 44% | 147 |
| #10 | Buzz Lightyear | 43% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Udder Spinner | 16 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | gwill | 14 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | oKoL | 6 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Y 3 3 T | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Kang | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Udder Spinner | 399 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | Kang | 298 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | gregs | 289 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Smooth | 209 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | ✪ F3DerAL | 153 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oKoL | +2.20 | 91 | 40 |
| #2 | kingdra | +1.09 | 66 | 82 |
| #3 | Smooth | +0.42 | 70 | 50 |
| #4 | gwill | +0.22 | 62 | 29 |
| #5 | Kang | -0.23 | 71 | 63 |





