








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 397 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 79 matches | ||
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5088 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4778 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3735 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4599 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4897 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,625,958 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 767 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Draven | 10 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | jeryfizzle | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | loogah | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | h0ppi | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Formerly[...] | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Draven | 1652 | 0.18 | 40 min |
| #2 | loogah | 510 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #3 | jeryfizzle | 508 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #4 | h0ppi | 424 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #5 | drink.milk | 277 | 0.08 | 8 min |





