








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 581 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 251 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,023 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1942 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1533 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 3390 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 3158 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,255,242 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 362 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Der 3. Weg | 44% | 108 |
| #7 | Fabo | 42% | 76 |
| #8 | VERSPEISEN SIE ARSCH? | 42% | 31 |
| #9 | Chrizzle.exe | 41% | 143 |
| #10 | SKiiP | 26% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LilClerck | 18 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 17 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Der 3. Weg | 15 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | PDXconfus1on | 14 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | Chrizzle.exe | 9 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der 3. Weg | 161 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | LilClerck | 111 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #3 | Chrizzle.exe | 85 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #4 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 67 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fabo | 47 | 0.03 | 1 min |





