








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 340 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1929 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,332 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 923 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1828 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1819 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1762 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $838,710 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reforger | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | VERSPEISEN SIE ARSCH? | 48% | 25 |
| #3 | Fabo | 45% | 62 |
| #4 | PDXconfus1on | 45% | 51 |
| #5 | LilClerck | 45% | 157 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | LilClerck | 45% | 157 |
| #6 | Zer0 | 41% | 143 |
| #7 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 40% | 47 |
| #8 | Guido Cuntz | 40% | 35 |
| #9 | Der 3. Weg | 36% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zer0 | 15 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Der 3. Weg | 12 | 0.0108 |
| #3 | LilClerck | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 7 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | PDXconfus1on | 6 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zer0 | 132 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #2 | Der 3. Weg | 66 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Fabo | 48 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | LilClerck | 41 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Guido Cuntz | 29 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chrizzle.exe | +2.35 | 70 | 57 |
| #2 | Fabo | +2.21 | 79 | 54 |
| #3 | VERSPEISEN SIE ARSCH? | +0.03 | 68 | 18 |
| #4 | LilClerck | -0.23 | 57 | 36 |
| #5 | PDXconfus1on | -0.52 | 68 | 18 |





