








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,992 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 102 | 5% |
| Smokes | 479 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 569 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 842 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $242,807 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 56% | 62 |
| #2 | Zer0 | 49% | 113 |
| #3 | Chrizzle.exe | 45% | 51 |
| #4 | LilClerck | 42% | 168 |
| #5 | Der 3. Weg | 41% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der 3. Weg | 18 | 0.0139 |
| #2 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 13 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | Guido Cuntz | 11 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | LilClerck | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Zer0 | 10 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der 3. Weg | 123 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | Zer0 | 97 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Guido Cuntz | 57 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | LilClerck | 42 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Sgt. Pfeffer | 35 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chrizzle.exe | +2.51 | 75 | 65 |
| #2 | Fabo | +1.10 | 80 | 56 |
| #3 | PDXconfus1on | +0.78 | 68 | 24 |
| #4 | Guido Cuntz | +0.28 | 46 | 46 |
| #5 | LilClerck | +0.10 | 59 | 37 |





