








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,420 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1137 | 33% |
| Smokes | 912 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 679 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 692 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $178,777 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE autistic ape | 42% | 12 |
| #2 | sloppy bill on the pill | 41% | 17 |
| #3 | proto | 40% | 50 |
| #4 | Pander | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | Depressed Pulse | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Depressed Pulse | 38% | 8 |
| #6 | Griz | 33% | 6 |
| #7 | Gabehasbongo | 29% | 7 |
| #8 | I've Been Worse | 17% | 6 |
| #9 | iguana | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | proto | 7 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Depressed Pulse | 3 | 0.0179 |
| #3 | iguana | 3 | 0.0211 |
| #4 | Gabehasbongo | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | proto | 182 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | sloppy bill on the pill | 31 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #3 | Gabehasbongo | 27 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Pander | 26 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | I've Been Worse | 25 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | proto | +3.13 | 67 | 60 |
| #2 | Griz | +1.96 | 73 | 68 |
| #3 | iguana | +1.84 | 85 | 60 |
| #4 | Gabehasbongo | +1.76 | 57 | 66 |
| #5 | Depressed Pulse | +1.30 | 78 | 37 |





