








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 330 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 222 | 6% |
| Smokes | 1457 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1530 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 811 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,547,745 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBipolarTrtle | 48% | 220 |
| #2 | Rig | 47% | 43 |
| #3 | KEEPTHEBAT | 44% | 55 |
| #4 | RawDawgr | 43% | 123 |
| #5 | pop lock & guac it | 41% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBipolarTrtle | 48% | 220 |
| #2 | Rig | 47% | 43 |
| #3 | KEEPTHEBAT | 44% | 55 |
| #4 | RawDawgr | 43% | 123 |
| #5 | pop lock & guac it | 41% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBipolarTrtle | 12 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | RawDawgr | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | KEEPTHEBAT | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Rig | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pop lock & guac it | 359 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | TheBipolarTrtle | 209 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #3 | RawDawgr | 175 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | KEEPTHEBAT | 75 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Rig | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Farquaad | +1.54 | 70 | 19 |
| #2 | pop lock & guac it | +1.33 | 69 | 68 |
| #3 | RawDawgr | +0.18 | 63 | 45 |
| #4 | TheBipolarTrtle | -2.03 | 46 | 51 |
| #5 | Rig | -2.42 | 78 | 22 |





