








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
253 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 753 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 144 | 19% |
| Smokes | 333 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 182 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 94 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $78,254 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheMeatBitch | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Israel Is T-Sided | 100% | 3 |
| #3 | nba youngboy | 100% | 5 |
| #4 | carnessmanqwe | 100% | 5 |
| #5 | The Bricc | 100% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #18 | Wavier | 60% | 10 |
| #19 | Bortilli | 56% | 9 |
| #20 | Killer Fish | 33% | 3 |
| #21 | first3numbers | 25% | 12 |
| #22 | TrennanL | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lemon | 3 | 0.0337 |
| #2 | Goomba | 2 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | cringle dangle | 2 | 0.0082 |
| #4 | Bortilli | 2 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | carnessmanqwe | 2 | 0.0217 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goomba | 27 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. | 22 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Japanese Fingerman | 19 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Gwert | 18 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jerry | 15 | 0.10 | 0 min |





