








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,602 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 659 | 25% |
| Smokes | 984 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 369 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 590 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $206,017 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | garfield | 73% | 33 |
| #2 | Demon | 71% | 42 |
| #3 | chillin | 67% | 6 |
| #4 | hoLezz | 65% | 23 |
| #5 | ✪ Bruhdy | 64% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | garfield | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Demon | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | CABLE-TV-ENJOYER-42 | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | ✪ Bruhdy | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CABLE-TV-ENJOYER-42 | 263 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | ✪ Bruhdy | 106 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Demon | 98 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | hoLezz | 80 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | garfield | 50 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chillin | +4.54 | 82 | 70 |
| #2 | CABLE-TV-ENJOYER-42 | +3.64 | 90 | 71 |
| #3 | garfield | +2.97 | 85 | 61 |
| #4 | hoLezz | +0.87 | 79 | 67 |
| #5 | Demon | -0.06 | 78 | 60 |





