








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
258 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 729 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 280 | 38% |
| Smokes | 199 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 150 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 100 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $160,026 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Heavy Main | 35% | 23 |
| #7 | cosmetically peeking | 32% | 22 |
| #8 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | 31% | 29 |
| #9 | airballer :3 | 25% | 4 |
| #10 | donovanjones1992 | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebbers | 112 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | 55 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | cosmetically peeking | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | donovanjones1992 | 26 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | disembodied feminine aura | 23 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | +3.61 | 77 | 54 |
| #2 | sebbers | +3.43 | 71 | 54 |
| #3 | disembodied feminine aura | +2.15 | 65 | 50 |
| #4 | Jack Jackerson | +1.56 | 70 | 45 |
| #5 | cult of the gyatt | +1.23 | 66 | 61 |





