








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1642 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 883 | 28% |
| Smokes | 714 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 616 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 980 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,512 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | cosmetically peeking | 64% | 47 |
| #5 | cult of the gyatt | 57% | 54 |
| #6 | sebbers | 57% | 79 |
| #7 | Heavy Main | 53% | 30 |
| #8 | donovanjones1992 | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cult of the gyatt | 7 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | sebbers | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Heavy Main | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | donovanjones1992 | 3 | 0.0089 |
| #5 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebbers | 249 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | cult of the gyatt | 143 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | 95 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | donovanjones1992 | 71 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | cosmetically peeking | 57 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | +3.68 | 82 | 41 |
| #2 | sebbers | +3.15 | 65 | 58 |
| #3 | cult of the gyatt | +1.30 | 50 | 57 |
| #4 | disembodied feminine aura | +0.53 | 60 | 46 |
| #5 | cosmetically peeking | -1.34 | 33 | 46 |





