








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2391 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,089 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2513 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2253 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2688 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1635 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $523,222 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | airballer :3 | 83% | 18 |
| #2 | Praise Addict | 68% | 34 |
| #3 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | 67% | 45 |
| #4 | cosmetically peeking | 62% | 50 |
| #5 | nines | 60% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Praise Addict | 10 | 0.0169 |
| #2 | disembodied feminine aura | 6 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | sebbers | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | nines | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Heavy Main | 5 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebbers | 320 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #2 | nines | 159 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | cosmetically peeking | 113 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | 96 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | disembodied feminine aura | 77 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebbers | +3.99 | 69 | 56 |
| #2 | Praise Addict | +2.73 | 63 | 32 |
| #3 | Michael Jordan of drunk driving | +2.65 | 80 | 47 |
| #4 | cult of the gyatt | +1.85 | 56 | 57 |
| #5 | nines | +0.64 | 53 | 59 |





