








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5467 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,753 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7487 | 30% |
| Smokes | 6222 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4806 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 6238 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $583,234 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 626 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tekko | 67% | 33 |
| #2 | barrett | 59% | 94 |
| #3 | FatherSpiritSon | 55% | 42 |
| #4 | Kody | 54% | 61 |
| #5 | Penis Per Square Inch :D | 54% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Parcs | 48% | 46 |
| #8 | remia | 46% | 61 |
| #9 | Ruby Da Cherry | 44% | 32 |
| #10 | Pepperoni Dog | 36% | 47 |
| #11 | ChronDog | 35% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | barrett | 10 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | caL | 8 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | Penis Per Square Inch :D | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | remia | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Parcs | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Penis Per Square Inch :D | 163 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | caL | 152 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | barrett | 148 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Parcs | 143 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | ChronDog | 101 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | barrett | +3.07 | 76 | 52 |
| #2 | remia | +2.23 | 88 | 38 |
| #3 | caL | +1.66 | 65 | 58 |
| #4 | Tekko | +1.21 | 85 | 39 |
| #5 | FatherSpiritSon | +1.15 | 67 | 54 |





