








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 906 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 229 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 152 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 122 matches | ||
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 68 matches | ||
| Wingman | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 47 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 71 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




292 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
14419 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,047 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11030 | 33% |
| Smokes | 9159 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6558 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 6300 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,697,751 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1843 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | barrett | 58% | 248 |
| #2 | Penis Per Square Inch :D | 55% | 589 |
| #3 | De_Duck II | 55% | 100 |
| #4 | teej | 51% | 156 |
| #5 | Twax Enjoyer | 50% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Twax Enjoyer | 50% | 72 |
| #6 | Straight up jorkin it | 49% | 141 |
| #7 | jazzy | 48% | 258 |
| #8 | franKѠッ | 47% | 112 |
| #9 | Dageaux | 47% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Penis Per Square Inch :D | 56 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | barrett | 22 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Dageaux | 17 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | teej | 14 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | jazzy | 7 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | franKѠッ | 657 | 0.29 | 15 min |
| #2 | Penis Per Square Inch :D | 513 | 0.05 | 11 min |
| #3 | barrett | 429 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #4 | jazzy | 419 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #5 | De_Duck II | 350 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caL | +2.66 | 61 | 54 |
| #2 | barrett | +2.43 | 71 | 53 |
| #3 | De_Duck II | +0.98 | 68 | 65 |
| #4 | Twax Enjoyer | +0.74 | 75 | 67 |
| #5 | teej | -0.10 | 72 | 21 |





