








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 359 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3429 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,766 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1022 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1390 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1612 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,199,092 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller | 78% | 32 |
| #2 | cheyney | 70% | 53 |
| #3 | buying titan medusa | 69% | 42 |
| #4 | wEATh | 63% | 182 |
| #5 | Stea1thy | 62% | 247 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | King Balls II | 59% | 34 |
| #9 | ja | 52% | 31 |
| #10 | GOLDENDICKLETMAN | 42% | 71 |
| #11 | Guinehhh | 42% | 86 |
| #12 | Bri'ish Peter Griffin | 38% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Albatraoz | 36 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | wEATh | 35 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | kIMSURRO | 29 | 0.0149 |
| #4 | Stea1thy | 23 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Guinehhh | 4 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stea1thy | 687 | 0.14 | 18 min |
| #2 | wEATh | 419 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | kIMSURRO | 367 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #4 | Albatraoz | 365 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #5 | cheyney | 183 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller | +6.77 | 94 | 60 |
| #2 | Albatraoz | +4.38 | 86 | 55 |
| #3 | kIMSURRO | +2.92 | 82 | 62 |
| #4 | wEATh | +2.60 | 85 | 55 |
| #5 | Stea1thy | +2.56 | 76 | 63 |





