








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1352 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,347 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 636 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1615 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1691 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1405 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $839,207 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pooki^ | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | Sika | 61% | 23 |
| #3 | Meggala | 50% | 48 |
| #4 | Hilips | 50% | 58 |
| #5 | βπ²π²ππ’π―π±π± β | 48% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | terppaw | 37% | 35 |
| #9 | tonz / | 37% | 19 |
| #10 | Hakzz | 35% | 17 |
| #11 | Nidelix | 32% | 22 |
| #12 | π π₯ππ―π―π π | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gangrene | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | βπ²π²ππ’π―π±π± β | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Hilips | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Meggala | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | terppaw | 2 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meggala | 129 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | Gangrene | 119 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | Hilips | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Hullukukko | 96 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | βπ²π²ππ’π―π±π± β | 76 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pooki^ | +4.52 | 89 | 55 |
| #2 | Hakzz | +3.01 | 67 | 58 |
| #3 | Meggala | +2.50 | 71 | 76 |
| #4 | Gangrene | +0.56 | 64 | 62 |
| #5 | βπ²π²ππ’π―π±π± β | -0.05 | 60 | 65 |





