








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 101 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1274 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,764 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1011 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1291 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1367 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1095 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $579,401 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 115 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Microsoft Xbox 360 | 50% | 16 |
| #2 | WastedApple | 45% | 101 |
| #3 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 44% | 82 |
| #4 | Masturbake | 41% | 139 |
| #5 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | 39% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | GingerHasAle | 35% | 23 |
| #8 | 108_davcher | 33% | 45 |
| #9 | Huzz | 33% | 48 |
| #10 | Bliggy | 32% | 28 |
| #11 | mofa | 14% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | 19 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | 17 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 9 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Luna | 9 | 0.0195 |
| #5 | WastedApple | 8 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | 518 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | 195 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | WastedApple | 155 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | 108_davcher | 108 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 82 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Microsoft Xbox 360 | +7.72 | 77 | 57 |
| #2 | Masturbake | +6.85 | 81 | 75 |
| #3 | Bliggy | +4.58 | 72 | 61 |
| #4 | Huzz | +3.68 | 77 | 48 |
| #5 | Luna | +2.98 | 83 | 42 |





