








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2010 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,332 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1157 | 27% |
| Smokes | 358 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 1984 | 46% |
| Molotovs | 833 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,205,790 of utility $243 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | 38 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | WastedApple | 16 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 13 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | GingerHasAle | 11 | 0.0099 |
| #5 | ZER0 | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | 846 | 0.19 | 21 min |
| #2 | ZER0 | 230 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | WastedApple | 226 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 144 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | mofa | 54 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | +6.65 | 79 | 77 |
| #2 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | +0.59 | 51 | 41 |
| #3 | WastedApple | -0.21 | 63 | 41 |
| #4 | Dr. Genghis Egad | -1.03 | 34 | 46 |
| #5 | mofa | -4.94 | 10 | 23 |





