








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 111 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,719 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 738 | 20% |
| Smokes | 794 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2008 | 54% |
| Molotovs | 179 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $437,917 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GingerHasAle | 53% | 32 |
| #2 | Masturbake | 49% | 197 |
| #3 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | 48% | 171 |
| #4 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 47% | 150 |
| #5 | ZER0 | 45% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | 29 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | 15 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Dr. Genghis Egad | 14 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | GingerHasAle | 9 | 0.0144 |
| #5 | ZER0 | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masturbake | +6.71 | 80 | 77 |
| #2 | ○ Skapoodle ○ | +0.00 | 51 | 41 |
| #3 | WastedApple | -0.41 | 63 | 42 |
| #4 | Dr. Genghis Egad | -0.93 | 33 | 48 |
| #5 | ZER0 | -4.53 | 14 | 42 |





