








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 971 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 684 matches | ||
| Faceit | 198 matches | ||
| Wingman | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8058 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,405 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3898 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4459 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 7975 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 5073 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,824,940 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1233 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sanction | 70% | 50 |
| #2 | Spongoberg ⚡ | 57% | 223 |
| #3 | ♕ Semmy | 56% | 153 |
| #4 | ECKS | 55% | 474 |
| #5 | Sam | 53% | 573 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sam | 53% | 573 |
| #6 | Fozzy | 53% | 200 |
| #7 | Neil | 51% | 285 |
| #8 | bran⛟ | 50% | 291 |
| #9 | Danny Is Onetap! | 41% | 94 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bran⛟ | 62 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Sam | 55 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | ECKS | 24 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | ♕ Semmy | 17 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Neil | 15 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ECKS | 1334 | 0.13 | 37 min |
| #2 | bran⛟ | 904 | 0.15 | 20 min |
| #3 | Sam | 656 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | Neil | 561 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #5 | Spongoberg ⚡ | 414 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sanction | +4.66 | 95 | 42 |
| #2 | ♕ Semmy | +2.32 | 86 | 54 |
| #3 | P1nki | +1.38 | 72 | 48 |
| #4 | ECKS | +1.06 | 76 | 68 |
| #5 | Danny Is Onetap! | +0.80 | 74 | 69 |





