








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 443 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 109 matches | ||
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,243 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1080 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1722 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2240 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2201 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,156,931 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1777 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COPEHH | 92% | 26 |
| #2 | Alchemy | 83% | 65 |
| #3 | AndyJ | 78% | 37 |
| #4 | meap | 77% | 61 |
| #5 | styrofoamdonkey15 | 73% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | styrofoamdonkey15 | 73% | 40 |
| #6 | King Salt | 70% | 33 |
| #7 | assass1n | 60% | 115 |
| #8 | kita | 57% | 28 |
| #9 | stupid ice fairy | 56% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | assass1n | 13 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | meap | 10 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | Alchemy | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | kita | 5 | 0.0091 |
| #5 | stupid ice fairy | 4 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | assass1n | 246 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | meap | 94 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | AndyJ | 79 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | styrofoamdonkey15 | 77 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Alchemy | 64 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alchemy | +5.23 | 95 | 67 |
| #2 | AndyJ | +4.30 | 87 | 65 |
| #3 | assass1n | +3.95 | 87 | 57 |
| #4 | COPEHH | +3.41 | 82 | 40 |
| #5 | homo"sapien"(gone prehistoric) | +2.24 | 80 | 55 |





