








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1039 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,132 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 906 | 42% |
| Smokes | 702 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 104 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 420 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $269,602 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Doink | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | xCob | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | OFaR | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Exploding | 59% | 22 |
| #5 | ✪ OD | 49% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | JeffLaFlavor | 45% | 29 |
| #8 | goobster | 40% | 5 |
| #9 | blakert- | 40% | 15 |
| #10 | ./ BurneyProMod | 36% | 11 |
| #11 | NoHit | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoHit | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | xCob | 1 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | goobster | 1 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | The Doink | 1 | 0.0357 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ OD | 146 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #2 | JeffLaFlavor | 93 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | ./ BurneyProMod | 62 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #4 | blakert- | 60 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Exploding | 41 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blakert- | +3.36 | 87 | 46 |
| #2 | goobster | +2.54 | 52 | 54 |
| #3 | NoHit | +2.21 | 78 | 31 |
| #4 | JeffLaFlavor | +2.18 | 75 | 59 |
| #5 | OFaR | +2.03 | 74 | 65 |





